Walking..

I know it's been a little bit since I've posted..it's this crazy thing called life that gets in the way. It's been a busy month/months. My dad had surgery to remove his prostate and a tumor on his kidney almost 4 weeks ago. I can honestly say that I witnessed a miracle there: the doctor said the kidney tumor was the size of a tennis ball and that by the time any symptoms developed, it would have been too late. He had a rough first few days, but almost 4 weeks later: he's driving, getting out and about and getting stronger each day. I made a quick trip home last weekend because I was about an hour away from them doing a conference for work and he asked specifically to see me..always a Daddy's girl.

Work has been busy, but a good busy. I finish up one family's home study and I have 4 more right behind it. A good problem to have. One of my families brought their little girl home from Ethiopia last week and then I finished post placement with another family that adopted from Ethiopia: can i tell you that I love my job!!

We had another "first in marriage" last week, our first real test of "in sickness and in health". I had surgery last week for suspected endometriosis. (Can i just tell you that sometimes, I don't like being a girl??) I had this same procedure when I was in a senior in high school and knew that I would likely have to have it again in the future. Funny, how "in the future" doesn't really mean a whole lot until that future actually has a face, a desire, a time. I probably needed to had it done much sooner than I did. The surgery wasn't too bad- and the doctor removed a lot of "stuff" that didn't need to be there.

  I knew that having children would likely be difficult, given my previous history. It's just that after the surgery, I didn't realize how difficult it would be. I wasn't prepared for the emotional aftermath of the surgery. Suddenly thoughts that had never crossed my mind were there, i was a blubbery mess at the dinner table (while my sweet husband just let me cry), it was overwhelming. I know I'm probably putting the cart before the horse and making things worse by worrying before I have my followup with the doctor, but it's real to me. Suddenly, I feel like a grownup. Infertility. There i said it. But it's okay. I have no idea where the road will lead, what giants I will face, but I do know this: my God is bigger than infertility, bigger than my fears, bigger than all of my unanswered questions. His timing is absolutley perfect. I'm not walking down this path by myself. He is with me..I just have to walk with Him, letting Him lead the way.

 Our first post op outing to Orange Leaf

 

Right before surgery and the loopy drugs

Getting to Know me!

I love blogging and reading others blogs. I'm a really good lurker, though- not a good commenter. Recently, I feel God stirring in me to revive my blog (well actually I made a new one, since I'm in a new season of life.) I need to take some time to process what all this will look like..but I feel change coming in all areas of my life. Love how God is always at work. But I do know this: I want to be able to connect with other women, to live out a life where grace flows daily, where it is beautiful in His sight, even when life isn't always pretty.

So I thought I'd tell a little bit about myself..so maybe if I get new readers. :)

• I'm a newlywed. I met my husband on match.com, only to find out that about 10 years earlier, we both did summer missions with our state Baptist Collegiate Ministries (but in different places) in 2002. There's a poster with  both of our pictures on it! We knew alot of the same people, were raised in towns cities nearby and when we met on match- were living only 2 hours away from each other. Our love story is truly written by God!
• I'm an adoption social worker and I absolutley love it. I love anything and everything about adoption (well most of it- except for the hard stuff and adoption fraud- another story, another post!)
• I'm a city girl married to a total deer hunting, fishing loving, total outdoorsman self proclaimed "redneck." When we got married, I inherited a camoflauge recliner, a growing antler collection and an 11 point buck named Sparky who hangs on my wall. (Our next house will have a man cave!)
• I'm slowly becoming outdoorsy. Hubs bought me a pink fishing pole for my birthday and we went fishing on our honeymoon. I have been in the deerstand but no gun yet. I wore these really cute camo rain boots with a heel! I told him if I had to get up at 4:30 in the morning and freeze my tail off, I was going to look cute doing it. It's  now a joke with his family about my boots.
• I love LSU football. I'm an LSU grad too.
• We plan on adopting one day, just not sure when.
• I'm addicted to chocolate chip cookies.
• I love to sing.
• My favorite color is purple.
• Life has not turned out at all like I thought it would, but I'm so thankful that God knows what He's doing..His timing is perfect.
• I love to craft, although I'm not very good at it.
• If I werent' a social worker, I'd be a writer or speaker.

Part 2

AUGUST

• One month away from the big day!!!
• Had a hometown shower, work shower, lingerie shower, and kitchen shower
• Take my bridal portraits in the sweltering August heat..I picked the hottest weekend to take them!!

Pictures by Michelle Tripp of Tripptography

SEPTEMBER

• The big day finally arrived!!! The day I had dreamed of my entire life was finally here. It was perfect or as my mom said "magical"! No major disasters..the cake almost didn't make it in time and Hubs wedding ring ended up being too small (still not sure how that happened!) The ceremony was beautiful and honoring to the Lord- exactly what we wanted. Finally, my first and our first kiss!! I love this picture-my childhood pastor married us and I love him so much!

• We honeymooned in New Orleans and Destin. I highly recommend taking a lesiurely honeymoon where you don't have much planned. We spent the day in NOLA before heading to Destin. It was wonderful- perfect combo of beach, fishing, eating, sleeping in, relaxing. That was the most relaxed I had been in a while- did not want to come back!

OCTOBER

• Adjusting to life as a married woman!
• Found a young married LIFE group at church

NOVEMBER

• First church interview as a pastor's wife
• Travel together to see my family, sing in a wedding
• My first Black Thursday experience
• Find out about my dad's prostate cancer

DECEMBER
Again kind of a blur!! Lots of Christmas parties, new traditions, food and more food!

So excited to see what 2013 holds!

Year Recap!

It's hard to believe the holidays are over and 2012 is winding to an end. Hello 2013! Our Christmas was great but it felt like most of it was spent on the road. It was still good to be with our families and we did a lot of eating! (We're good Baptists!) Thankfully I'm off for the next two days and get off early the remainder of the week. My house is a disaster. We just got a new dishwasher and then our stove went out, plus Hubs got in a wreck just before we headed to see family..but all is well.

I thought I'd try to recap my year- if only for myself (since I know I don't have very many readers- all 2 of them!) Not sure if I have pictures for everything but oh well.

JANUARY

• My parents met Hubs family for the first time.
• Bought my dream wedding dress! I wasn't engaged yet, but I really wanted my mom to be there with me when I picked it and she was in town so we did it then.

FEBRUARY

• Spent Hubs and I's first Valentine's apart- I was in Haiti on a mission trip. what a trip that was! Wouldn't move there but could go back again.

MARCH

• Big Month! Hubs proposed on March 31!! It was beautiful, perfect and surreal, all at the same time.
• Wedding plans go into full force!

APRIL

• Hubs and I take engagement pictures with the amazing Anna Pitts of Purple Paisley Photography
• Ever clumsy and graceful me- tripped over chicken wire while taking engagement pictures and sprained my knee, resutling in an MRI and crutches.
• Hubs and I took a beach trip with my  parents.

MAY

• Celebrate my 31st birthday..hubs gets me a pink fishing pole!

JUNE
I'm sure something happened this month but I don't remember. I'm pretty sure it involved wedding plans and me threatening to elope at least twice a day!

JULY
Don't have pictures but had my first shower..a lovely tea shower by some of my dear church friends


Part 2 next post

If You Want Me To

I love music. I love to sing, love to listen to it, love the lyrics. I say that I often think "musically." God often puts songs in my mind to remind me of Him, to show me some truth, to help me hear from Him. Right now is no exception.

I'm entering an interesting, yet unexpected season of life right now. I'll write more later- I'm still processing in my head and my heart and just not sure I'm ready to put it out in blog land just yet. I had such a hard time even journaling about it because it was something about just writing it out on paper made it seem real..if I wrote it out (almost like saying it) I couldn't take it back. I'm venturing on a journey that will not be easy. I don't want to walk there. In fact, I'd much rather go around it completely. But God doesn't work that way. He allows us to go through things, not around them.

I've always loved music by Ginny Owens. This song came to mind today.

"If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do,
I'll walk through the valley if You want me to.

Because I'm not who I was when I took my first steps
And I'm clinging to the promise Your not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
then I'll go through the fire if You want me to.

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy,
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world's turned against me and I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I'll go through the valley if You want me to.

 

 

It's amazing about how much peace I feel. Now, believe me- this was not the path I wanted. Not at all. I'm a planner. I had a plan to get from Point A to B. It didn't necessarily include this little detour. But I'm reminded that I have a God who goes before me, who walks with me, beside me. He feels what I feel, He knows my heart, He knows my longings. He knows what is best for me. It is good. It may be hard getting there, but it is still good.

 

Lamentations 3: 21-24: Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. I say to myself :"The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him."

 

I'm traveling for work right now and hubs is in the deer stand. I miss him like crazy when I travel so for my own sake, here's a pic of us.

 

 



Ashley

3 Months and Life

I keep saying I'm going to be a better blogger, but here it is 2 months after my last post! Life just gets in the way sometimes. I'm not at my computer now so no pics, just my rambling.

Saturday, we celebrated 3 months of marriage! Hubs and I both feel like it's been a lot longer but time has really flown by. Love making new memories together.

Here are some of my favorites and most memorable so far:

• Cooking blackened red fish and filling up the whole house with smoke! No wonder you order blackened foods in restaurants...the cast iron skillet gets hot and smoky fast. But we still managed to salvage the fish and de fume the house.
• Putting up our Christmas tree with our ornaments, and new ornaments.
• Finally building a gingerbread house. This is something I've always wanted to do since I was little. Hubs had never built one either..so much fun. I can't wait to do this with our kids.
• Being the preacher's wife. Hubs has preached at 2 different churches (one was an interview- still praying!) so I got to go with him. He preached and I sang. Thank you Lord for answering this prayer that I prayed all those years ago.
• Date night- Orange Leaf Yogurt is our fave.
• Making s'mores on the grill when it was 78 degrees outside. We do live in Louisiana after all.
• Going to a wedding of a childhood friend back home and introducing my hubby to people that I've known for years.
• Planning our Christmas schedule
• Planning a Valentine's day mini vacation cruise! Super pumped and it's a super deal.

While there have been a lot of good memories and fun times over the past few months, there have been some tough times too.

• My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. But it's early stage and looks to be contained to one area and all he'll need his surgery.
• Moms of two of my close friends are facing major health issues. One was diagnosed with cancer and the other one will have to resume taxing chemo treatments. This was right about the time we found about my dad and the reality of my parents getting older hit. Suddenly, I felt like an adult. (not that I haven't before- it just seemed more real that I was)
• Still waiting on God to open the door for Hubby's ministry- next job. This has been hard. We had a pretty major disappointment with a job opening earlier and we're still waiting and praying. It's hard because I feel stuck. So much hinges on this: I feel like we can't move forward.

Which leads me to the next thing God has been showing me..I'll probably have to write more later, because it's that good and it's taking me a while to process it, live it out.

Living in the now with contentment.  This is so hard! We're always looking for the next season, stage, big thing in life. When I was single, it was when will I have a boyfriend..then met him- when will we get engaged? Engaged, now I'm married. Married- when will we have kids? Have a house, want a bigger house, and so on and so on.

This is where I am right now..trying to live in the now. Where I am now is exactly where God wants me to be: my circumstances, my life, my job..this is it. God has me here with all of my circumstances for a reason and for a season. Here's the thing about seasons: they change, they don't last forever. Praise the Lord! I can't imagine having a Louisiana summer for longer than the short time we do have it.  :)

Here's what I've been chewing on: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Phil 4:12

The word secret- how many times have I read this verse and not noticed the word "secret"? The secret is the key..the key is contentment. It's a discpline, an aquired skill, something that is learned after repetitive motion. You have to put it into practice, work at developing the muscle.

So right now, I'm learning to be content, right where He has me..for He meets my needs.

New Life, New Blog!

I realize that I don't have a whole lot of readers, but I blog mainly for myself- it's therapy! For any new readers, my previous blog was at www.heartsetonhim.blogspot.com I didn't blog as often as I wanted to but I loved looking back and seeing all that God taught me. I was single for the majority of the time I blogged so a lot of the entries were about the lessons God taught me in my season of singleness. That was such a rich time in my life and God taught me so much. I figured now was the time to start a new blog- new season of life, new name, new blog!

I've been married just shy of 2 months. It's been a wonderful amazing journey but hard at times. It's real life (defnitley not like it is in the movies!) We're in a transition time as we wait for the Lord to show us where to go next..Hubs is a preacher and he moved here in transition. So needless to say our whole life is a transition! I inherited a cat who thinks she's human, a camo recliner, an antler collection and an 11 point buck named Sparky who now sits on the wall in our living room! Hubs is a HUGE  hunter (that's it putting it mildly but he loves it and we don't ever to buy meat so I'll take it) and he insisted Sparky have a rightful place on the wall. Oh boy- our next house will have a man cave for sure.

Here's a few highlights/lessons of the past 2 months:
1. I married a man who loves to cook! I've only cooked 3 times since we've been married and it's only because I absolutley wanted to cook
2. There's nothing I love more than being in the same place together all of the time (we lived 2 1/2 hours apart when we were dating/engaged)
3. He makes me laugh-all of the time!
4. There are definite differences between men and women.
5. Our versions of chores are different.  :)
6. I beam with pride when he refers to me as "his wife" during a sermon.
7. He's going to make a wonderful daddy one day- especially when our baby is crying at 3:00 am (even though he says it's against the preacher's kid code of conduct) :)
8. I love our lazy times together.
9. Marriage is holy sandpaper. For real!!
10. Jesus Christ should be the number one object of my affection. Our pastor said this during our wedding ceremony and it has stuck with me.

Here's some of the fun things we've done in 2 months:
1. Got married!!! A dream day
2. Had a wonderful honeymoon to New Orleans and the beach
3. Made s'mores over the grill when it was 80 degrees outside (we do live in Louisiana!)
4. Attended a marriage conference- so good!
5. Found a young married's life group we love
6. Introduced to the games Bananagrams and farkle
7. Waffles on Saturday
8. Watching the Voice

The Lord is showing me so much- as I journal, i keep thinking "I need to blog this!" More to come!