Monday, February 11, 2013

Walking..

I know it's been a little bit since I've posted..it's this crazy thing called life that gets in the way. It's been a busy month/months. My dad had surgery to remove his prostate and a tumor on his kidney almost 4 weeks ago. I can honestly say that I witnessed a miracle there: the doctor said the kidney tumor was the size of a tennis ball and that by the time any symptoms developed, it would have been too late. He had a rough first few days, but almost 4 weeks later: he's driving, getting out and about and getting stronger each day. I made a quick trip home last weekend because I was about an hour away from them doing a conference for work and he asked specifically to see me..always a Daddy's girl.

Work has been busy, but a good busy. I finish up one family's home study and I have 4 more right behind it. A good problem to have. One of my families brought their little girl home from Ethiopia last week and then I finished post placement with another family that adopted from Ethiopia: can i tell you that I love my job!!

We had another "first in marriage" last week, our first real test of "in sickness and in health". I had surgery last week for suspected endometriosis. (Can i just tell you that sometimes, I don't like being a girl??) I had this same procedure when I was in a senior in high school and knew that I would likely have to have it again in the future. Funny, how "in the future" doesn't really mean a whole lot until that future actually has a face, a desire, a time. I probably needed to had it done much sooner than I did. The surgery wasn't too bad- and the doctor removed a lot of "stuff" that didn't need to be there.

  I knew that having children would likely be difficult, given my previous history. It's just that after the surgery, I didn't realize how difficult it would be. I wasn't prepared for the emotional aftermath of the surgery. Suddenly thoughts that had never crossed my mind were there, i was a blubbery mess at the dinner table (while my sweet husband just let me cry), it was overwhelming. I know I'm probably putting the cart before the horse and making things worse by worrying before I have my followup with the doctor, but it's real to me. Suddenly, I feel like a grownup. Infertility. There i said it. But it's okay. I have no idea where the road will lead, what giants I will face, but I do know this: my God is bigger than infertility, bigger than my fears, bigger than all of my unanswered questions. His timing is absolutley perfect. I'm not walking down this path by myself. He is with me..I just have to walk with Him, letting Him lead the way.

 Our first post op outing to Orange Leaf
 
Right before surgery and the loopy drugs


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