Again, I know it's been a while since I've posted- life is moving at an incredibly fast pace (more so that I care for) plus things have been rolling around in my head that I don't know how to put down just yet. I saw where Kelly from Kelly's Korner was doing a link up about infertility. So here goes.
We got married in September 2012 and immediatley began trying to start our family- mainly because we knew that it would likely be very difficult to conceive due to my history and because of our ages- we were 31 and 32 at the time and we wanted to be young enough to enjoy our kids. I knew that it would likely take some time and honestly, I was kind of hoping to be pregnant by our first anniversary or somewhere near that time. In February 2013, I had exploratory surgery to address some of my previous medical issues. The surgery removed a lot of adhesions, which explained some of the issues I was having. My OB felt like we needed to go ahead and be aggressive with starting our family and recommended starting Clomid and that I might need to see a specialist.
I was shocked and just numb. There was no explanation for things and I just felt stuck. In March, I decided to go ahead and call to get a referal for a specialist. It was a complete God thing that I was able to see the specialist because the others I had contacted- the wait time was 3 months to a year. Dr. Issacs was 2 weeks. We met with Dr. Isaacs and he made us both feel at ease and did not think things were as bad as my Ob had thought. He gave us a good plan of action and explained everything. I was finally able to start Clomid in the end of May- it was a waiting game to be able to start it due to very crazy cycles. I did it and the side effects were horrible. I didn't get pregnant but Dr. Issacs felt like I had responded well to it and wanted to try 2 more cycles.
I wasn't sure if Clomid was exactly what we were supposed to do. We had already decided that Clomid was our only option and if it didn't work, we were moving on to adoption. We had planned to have biological children and adopt so this wasn't Plan B for us. I can't tell you the bundle of nerves and emotions that I've felt over the past few months- very up and down. "Are we doing the right thing?" "Is this what God wants?" "What do we do?" over and over again. Once I felt like I had answers, I would crumble.
We decided if round 1 of Clomid didn't work, we would see that as God's answer and move forward with adoption. When it didn't work, I can't tell you the relief that I felt in just knowing that we had a plan and for the first time in months- peace.
One thing that carried us through this is the prayers of others. I've tried to be pretty open about our infertility because I truly believe this is something that God has given us to bring Him glory. Not long after my surgery, I shared with our life group at church (through choked tears and the verge of the ugly cry) what we were facing. I knew the only way we would ever get through this was through the Lord and people praying for us. I told them "I don't know why He's chosen this road, but all I know to do is to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking." They have been faithful to pray for us and ask how we are doing. I have to keep reminding myself of this and let God carry me some days.
Adoption is definitley in our future. I'm just not sure when. I told my husband that God can heal me if He chooses to and I'll praise Him for it, but if He doesn't and we become parents through the blessing of adoption, I'll praise Him for it too.
Praying friend! :-)
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